Madonna Poops

and so do you.
There you are with a newspaper
clutched under your armpit,
a cup of coffee, a crossword puzzle,
a cigarette but no ashtray.
It's a typical routine,
in case you didn't know.

Have you ever pictured Hitler there?
I have. He's usually cleaning a gun,
tapping his right foot, misting puffs
of aerosol above his head. The usual.
Except for the gun.

Imagine Shakespeare on the toilet,
or did they even have toilets then?
Maybe he just squatted in a hole before
brainstorming Hamlet. I can see him strolling
back to the stage with two oak leaves stuck
to the bottom of his shoe, and the man playing
Ophelia would kindly let him know,
and Shakespeare would blush, which isn't something
you've thought of before, have you?

rewrite #1:

and so do you.
There you are with a newspaper
clutched under your armpit,
a cup of coffee, a crossword puzzle,
a cigarette but no ashtray.

Have you ever pictured Hitler there?
I have. He's usually cleaning a gun,
tapping his right foot, misting puffs
of aerosol above his head.
The usual.
Except for the gun.

Imagine Shakespeare on the toilet,
or squatting in a hole before
brainstorming Hamlet. I can see him
strolling back to the stage,
two oak leaves stuck to the bottom of his shoe,
and the man playing Ophelia would kindly let him know,
and Shakespeare would blush,
which isn't something you've thought of before, have you?